Mr. Wonderful

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”
-anonymous

So there is this guy and I will just refer to him as BB. Some of you know who he is and some of you do not. I certainly do not want to be in a relationship with him..he is too old, too religious and too married for me..but what I do want is to be with someone like him..or at least my perception of him.

He is a guys guy. A guy who walks into a room with confidence and direction. Who not only hugs you instead of shakes your hand, but kisses you on the cheek as he does so. A guy who never met a stranger, has talked to everyone before leaving the party, and floats in and out of conversations without missing a beat. A guy who talks highly of his wife, how they drink wine together in the evenings and talk about their day and still calls her "honey" even after being married so long that they have kids in college. This is a guy who knows the name of everyone at his company including the people in the mail room, a guy who rides his bike 60 miles on a Saturday just to keep in shape and is respected by all in the community.

There is line from Pretty in Pink where Andy and Duckie are driving in a very affluent neighborhood with magnificent homes. Andy says "Those houses are so beautiful..and you know what the worst part is? Those people have no idea how beautiful they are..they will never see them the way that I do". I wonder if BB's wife sees him the way that I do. I bet that she does. I hope that she does.

This past weekend I spent a lot of time on the phone with 3 friends. One is just beginning a relationship and we talked about what the future holds. She is excited and anxious to see what could happen. Could he be the one? Could their religious differences prevail? So far so good.. Another is at a crossroads. Where does she go from here? She loves him but there are issues that he brought in that she cannot spend the rest of her life dealing with. So, not so good. Another is ending her relationship. It has been over for a while, but she has felt like there were three people on their dates these last few weeks..she, her boyfriend and the elephant that has been standing in the room...and she has decided to stop ignoring it. And as the late Randy Pausch said .. "When an elephant walks into the room, introduce it" And so she finally did.. and it set her free and made her decision more clear.

I guess that now that I am single again I will once again go through those stages..and like the poem "after a while" states...with every goodbye you learn.

And I am glad that I have learned my lessons and relationships are easier to walk away from when they are not right because of the mistakes of my past. But mostly I am just glad that my "baggage" now fits easily into the overhead bin, and that I no longer have to pay extra for a bag over 50 pounds :)

I am going to hold out for my BB this time..and I just cannot wait to see who he turns out to be ...

A Woman Should Have.

"A strong woman is a woman determined to do something others have determined not to be done"

Last night when I got home, I worked out on the pole for an hour. Swinging around, practicing my spins... Each new song took me to a new place..some old school songs that took me back and some new songs that I just found out that I loved.

I danced around and swung around and when I looked back over my shoulder from my "frisk" I saw my dog Ginger staring at me. She was just sitting comfortable..paws over the edge of the couch, ears up..just staring.. No judgment, no pretences, no comments, no cares in the world..So, I "S" walked over to her and gave her a little pat on the head.. and then looked back as I flaunted across the floor. And Ginger just sat there..staring.

She could care less if there is more cottage cheese on my theighs than in the fridge:), or if my makeup is smeared from sweat, or if my shorts are too shorts or my top is too tight, or my hair is a mess.. Nope, not Ginger Bella, she just loves me unconditionally as I love her.

And when I was done, I asked her "How did I look", She looked at me with her big brown eyes and said " Like a million dollars "!! Gotta love a dog!

It started me thinking about being in my house, living alone, living life as a single thirty something in Houston with no boyfriend possibilites at the moment and a recent breakup behind me. I started thinking about a poem that I had read 10 years ago. So, I found it.. It is from my favorite poet Maya Angelou.. and while I do not have all these things yet, I am working on it! And, when I look back to the woman that I was 10 years ago and the woman that I am now...I am happy to report that I have added even more of these "should haves" to my list. I am definitly a work in progress, But I like it that way. I love to learn and try new things and always have.

My mom tells me that I have no fear, that I just close my eyes and jump. The funny thing is that I do have fear and lots of it but my secret (never let them see you sweat). I have been fired, I have been promoted, I have been the richest one on the room, and the poorest one in the room, I have seen things that would make a grown man cry and I have experienced pure love and pure bliss. I have moved to another state alone, and not had a single plan for the weekend, I have moved back with my tail between my legs and survived to laugh about it. I have been divorced. I have been broken up with and I have been the one that does the breaking up. I have been talked about and laughed at. I have been complimented and criticized...I have, like most people been though a lot. But, I never fall down. Somehow, I manage to always fall up.

And when I look around everyday at work and see those who are suffering with cancer, those women my age and younger who come in without hair or in wheelchairs.. I thank God for what I have.. and pray for them. But mostly, I just feel blessed.

"A Woman Should Have"

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...a youth she’s content to leave behind….
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to re-telling it in her old age….
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...a feeling of control over her destiny.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…how to fall in love without losing herself.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…that she can’t change the length of her calves,the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…that her childhood may not have been perfect…but its over…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...whom she can trust,whom she can’t,and why she shouldn’t take it personally…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…where to go…be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…or a charming inn in the woods…when her soul needs soothing…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…a month…and a year…

Got Pole?

Well behaved women rarely make history-
Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


In the wake of these past few weeks of feeling "hoodwinked" (my new favorite word), the one thing that I always had to look forward too (aside from of course, the unconditional love of my 3 dogs and one lazy 17 pound cat) was my S classes.

Most of you know, some of you don't that I have been taken Sheila Kelly's S factor..pole dancing classes on Wednesday nights. I know..WHAT? But trust me...I am always searching for something new to do and after 4 sweaty, hard core training months leading up to the tri..thought that I needed to get back to my feminine side, so thought that I was going for a 180 degree turn...something a little easier and less "hard core" trust me...I was only half right..read on.

Sheila Kelly is the wife of actor Richard Shiff of the West Wing. She is also an actress and while studying for a role in a movie..came across this "movement" as she calls it. So, she started teaching friends and then created studios in a few cities across the country and so on and so on. And thus, the S Factor was born. 8 levels (if you choose to continue taking classes) 2 hours per week. I signed up after my intro class because I...fell in love! So much so that that last weekend I installed a pole in my living room and am still wondering what my new neighbors across the street are thinking. The pole is an awesome daily reminder that I am a strong, independant woman who can still be just as sexy and sensual at 37 as I was at 17 :)

Each week in class, we spend 1 hour doing floor work which includes too many abs for my taste but then tons of fun stuff like the cat crawl, hip thrusts and the goddess..and this past week...the t shirt stip. That is right, I can now take off my shirt...while thrusting my hips all without missing a beat..and let me tell you..it's hot..and when I look around the dimly lit room at the other girls of all shapes and sizes..they are Hot! These classes are amazing and ultra liberating.

After the floor work, we move into 30 minutes of pole practice. We have learned the firefly, the ballerina and the half pint so far..and I have surprised myself at how easy the tricks come. And then after the pole, we move into 30 minutes of our routine. The routine consists of all 12 of us doing the same thing..some on the wall and some on the pole..and at the moment when we all, at the same time, slide down the wall or pole, If only for a moment, I am SURE that I am pussycat doll on stage in Vegas.

I cannot imagine my Grandma's generation even considering something so out of the norm..I cannot imagine her telling her friends that she was taking pole classes...but I bet if she could have ..she would have!

We have come so far. Women are getting married later (if at all), having kids later and staying out later. The days spending all our time being a housewife and having dinner on the table at 5 is not longer the norm. We spend our time shouting from the rooftops demanding to be heard, breaking through the glass ceilings that stopped so many before us and being supportive rather than critical of eachother. Complimenting and congratulating rather than hating and hurting eachother. We know the difference between wrong and right and walk the line carefully yet with our head up high because we would rather ask for forgiveness than permission.

And, for the first time since the beginning of time, we came closer than we have ever been to having a woman run our country. And whether you liked her or not, that is an amazing thing that almost happened. We are important, we are equals! And we have learned that it is okay to be proud of ourselves, to KNOW that we are pretty, or sexy and we have learned to take a compliment by smiling rather than blushing. We are enough just as we are. Plain and simple. We are enough!

Thank you Rosa Parks for staying seated.

So Pole Dancing? YOU BET!

Happy Birthday Mom

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.- Tenneva Jordan

Today is my mom's birthday. She is 64. She is the youngest, most inspiring, most beautiful, most unbelievably strong woman that I have ever met. I pray to God daily that I turn out like her. I pray to God daily that I inherit at least a few traits that she inherited from her strong amazing mom. I pray to God that he keeps her safe and healthy for years and years to come. Because I cannot imagine being on this earth without her in my corner. It is unthinkable..So, I will continue to pray daily and hope that God is listening...

A letter to my mother
You gave me wings, you let me fly. And taught me that I will never have to fly alone. That all my journeys whether they are ones that you would take or not, that I had your blessing to take flight. And, I would like to think that I succeeded at them all but I know that I did not, but I had your blessing to try..and that made the crash landings so much softer. And I had some crashes...but at the bottom on the ground after I called to tell you that I was "flying" home...there you were..waving your arms in the air " this way..this way..I'm down here..I will catch you".. and you always did. Every time..and you still do.

Thank you for every single lesson you have taught me. Thank you for letting me fail and for never saying I told you so and If you wanted to say it..I never knew. Thank you for your advice, your support, your compassion. Thank you for waking up when I call at 3am upset over whatever..thank you for wanting to have me around. Thank you for always telling me you love me when we hang up the phone, and for always telling me your love me in your emails.

Thank you for listening time after time after time. Thank you for letting me take out my frustrations on you and then so freely accepting my appology when I have. Thank you for not taking it personally. Thank you for always having my back. For always being on my side..and for "carefully" telling me if you thought that I was wrong. Thank you for giving me the strength to love and the guts to walk aways when it is time to go.

Thank you for giving me my self esteem, my ability to laugh at myself, my work ethic, my love of animals, my love of people.

Thank you for being my best friend in this world. And for showing me daily the definition or what a real women is.

Thank you for being my mother and my father.

Happy birthday to the greatest friend I have ever had, my best friend..my mother.